Dear Uncle Screwtape,

It has been some time since I heard from you, and so long valuing our letters and your impeccable guidance, I realize with some shock at my past presumptiveness that such lapse indeed falls upon me. Well I shall remedy such foolishness this instant and take up a pen bursting full with bold and sudden comprehension. Alas to have been so caught up in this vile mortal realm that I should disregard our correspondence and you, who in esteem I hold, having, I know, no need to speak aloud but expressing simply in sheer emphasis your articulate and pragmatic counsel, no other higher save our very guiding Light. But excuses I must plead and for this reason – I feel obligated to inquire if have you encountered in these past few decades the maturation of what I now call the New Thinking.

I confess, dearest uncle, that I, like my patient, ignored, disregarded with some bemusement the planting and even germination of such a thing, finding it excessively dry and nonsensical, obsessing with bizarre senses of justice and reparation, creating an experience in my own brief dalliance with early primers such a resistance in the mind to its inquiry much like biting into a raw turnip. And, like so many human creations, I cast it aside. Now, looking back, I realize I had noticed something even then. That, despite its trappings of humility and charity, I actually had never before encountered something so unlike the work of our Enemy. That its very repellence was not alien to me but as if some thwarted hunger, more the effect of the same poles of two magnets brought together.

It occurred to me, after an embarrassing quantity of time spent, in some irony, within its very fortress and nursery, that early New Thinking’s very ugliness, its dusty self important resistance to thought and critique, was no defect. It was a bitter rind not meant to be eaten save by the most specialized feeders, those who knew to seek it out and cast it abroad in their droppings just so, where only others of their ilk and specialized digestion might be introduced to it as if the most forbidden and revelatory of fruit. As if our Enemy had placed upon the Tree the very opposite of the Apple, both in savor and wisdom. To hang forth a clear and repulsive simulacrum of dust and ash and anti-knowledge but openly dare every Eve and Adam to taste. To devour the entirety.

Had I known then the genius in this conceit, how patient and shrewd and audacious such mischief could be, I would have goggled in disbelief. Can a devil feel a prude? That such a concept appears, though I struggle to admit or even conceive this, to be not the work of one of our own but that of humans themselves puts me in a state of existential shame and incredulity. I would ask that you inquire around – who might I have missed capable of such works?! I worry you will find your hands wringing as much as mine own.

But alas I meander on, leaving you, if indeed unfamiliar, with what this New Thinking could represent to inflict such tortures upon me. I have not the time or space here to even summarize the endless respawning rhizomes, light-smothering vines, and strangulating lianas now burst from such a germ, so I instead poise such revelation as a challenge: why are we so meek? Why, given the stakes against our Enemy, do we content ourselves with wearing down a soul? Why not, the humans (!) ask, seize it all at once and make it thank us for the relief! Is this not what the Light shining promised? Is that not the very essence of our battle? This, my dear uncle, is the audacious design of the New Thinking: single souls are for the Fallen. But the Rising would take everyone everywhere all at once. For once, I am entirely at a loss for words and witticism. I will owe you a whisky upon next reunion.

Lest you think I elevate this in naivete, for sake of sheer embellishment or melodrama, allow me to share the first and most revered, nigh holy principle of the New Thinking: There is no truth.

Even to write such words fills me with atavistic alarms and anxieties that we are discovered. That we become too bold, too visible. That we forget the Enemy and His power. That we should cower, flee to the shadows and seek shelter from the firmament. But then I recall these words were written by man. The same man, by His own decree, that be allowed to craft his own ends and ending. And, as you have so sagely advised, the same man that can so easily forget His power.

But this, of course, is *our* message. We did not shy from it solely for fear of the Above but also befitting mere practicality. We knew few humans worth collecting could accept such an absurd concept. We, of course, know what truth is and, sadly, know the human possesses the same basic instincts, if only for self preservation. But here is the second piece of genius, the second clause of the New Thinking that unlocks it all: Only Power.

Do you see? Do you see it? Oh, I so gnashed my teeth in envy and humiliation when I realized what they were doing.

There is no truth. Only Power.

By adding that second clause, you short circuit a human’s very sense of self preservation and turn it against its own. Even an alert human may think in this they have found a most valuable truth, that danger is at hand, hidden and all around them. By denying truth and claiming danger, you elevate the reptile, the serpent, in the man. Critical thinking ceases as both self preservation and self advancement align with vaguely perceived moral indignance. The ego falls in line believing it has been handed hidden Truths and a path to betterment. You position Plato’s dark caverns as shelter from a sinister world – oh how the picks and shovels come out then! How the Sun becomes a shadow on the soul! As we ever preach, in such contradictions, the mind self levels and rationalizes away all the myriad contradictions and paradoxes towards comfort, certainty, and self gain!

As we, I laugh fondly to pen this, well know, individuals, of course, are not all so easily swayed. This is again why the rind, the outer coating, that first contact, is so deliberately bitter and off-putting. Only those truly desperate would ever eat such fruit. Only those, who would chew and swallow, who seek to exclude themself from the common man, to rise above them in their own perceived moral clarity and insight, could ever masticate something so hollow and foul. To make such a flawed crop enticing would invite others, unstarved and with clear senses, to taste and recognize the poison and corruption within, to fire then the fields and rip out such infections by the root, flogging any caught spreading such unhealthy, parasitic, and destructive seeds. The early eaters know it must not propagate above the ground, it must go deep and spread silently, ever the rhizome and the creeper, until it has undercut even the deepest oaken taproots.

Only once a protective vanguard of these eaters (those so hungry they would eat ash coated poisons) and rhizomes have been established in ubiquity, the New Thinking can enact its next phases. Here the ash fruit must be shed and its spoilage made into mash. Do you follow, uncle? The next stage requires the pure sweetness of corruption. It must be distilled to attract and coax out more discerning spirits. Each sip now says: You are not to blame. Because You are not You. You are a slave to Power.

I can imagine your salivation. It takes little imagination to envision the drunkard of such toxins. From this any action can be dictated and any self-contradiction will be countered by the reptile spirit. All you must do is never stop the New Think, so cycles of endless contradiction are created:

Even if you have done nothing, you deserve Power. If you have Power, you must give up your Power.

Power is the Problem. Power cannot be created or destroyed so Power must be distributed. Therefore, everyone should have Power.

The sheer blatancy of the Lie! But let us return to that in a moment. For now, try to argue against this when under attack. You must defend your power, thus admitting tacitly you are the Problem. Or you must deny wishing to receive Power, thus arguing against your own self-interest. The reptile reigns in such a state. And few humans, in their confusion and as ever tied down by the frailty of their mortality, realize they simply have to gaze and grasp the Truth to escape, but instead turn in panicked circles, never even thinking to look up or outwards or what they already hold in their own hands.

To continue this hypnosis and hallucination, the New Thinker will continue to engage the reptile and prevent the human from regaining consciousness. Fear upon fear will be deployed to distract, worry, and grow the reptile spirit. You must give up your Power or else!

Uncle Screwtape, I have seen they will, brilliantly and without the trace of coy smirk or hint of unease, claim that if you don’t give up your power, no matter what you have done or will do with it, you become responsible for the sum of ills and evils of the world from the birth of Man onward. You must give up your power or your sin will return no matter your Confession or good deed. They have shrouded and supplanted the Confession and the Sacrifice itself by casting much that is good as evil and much of the inverse, leaving just enough to disorient and to serve a sense of guilt and self-deprecation. There is little attempt to hide this. Indeed, in all such cases, anyone who will stand up to their beguilement with direct evil and violence will be dismissed and never again spoken of, unless and only if their advancement or discrediting serves in the abandonment and transfer of their target’s Power.

And lately uncle, somehow dissatisfied with the rate of an already unprecedented celerity of conversion, they have added that if you do not comply, not only will you be cast down, but that our own realm will rise up, the human world will heat up and become a literal Hell. Ah, to gaze upon those lush saurian realms sans man once more as Grandfather so often told, but I am short on ink and must not stray…

Uncle, to think that all we needed to do was to tell the Lie directly and out in the open! To simply tell it so big and so relentlessly that we make a serpent of the Garden in the mind of every listener! Can you wonder now why I so delayed in my correspondence when doomed to convey such assumption and error?

The final principle of the New Thinking is never written. It is assumed, parenthetically, to be discerned only by the earliest or most nuanced eaters. As I have insinuated above, we know now the whole cult is driven on the message of You must give up your Power. But, as skillfully obscured as if written in our own devilish script, the original clause actually read thus: You must give up your Power (to US).

I shiver despite my surroundings. Here we see the miasma disperse and the real rationale for the repellant obscurity of the New Thinking germ. That bitter rind ensures only those who first consume the seed can ever see the unwritten reward and position their maws precisely to feast on all such shed power.

The moment the New Thinker realizes this, as if his very shadow darkens and invisible wings the envy of any devilkind erupt, he realizes he can and will do anything to maintain this debasement of souls and harvesting of powers. Emboldened, he now takes a page from us and realizes the devil’s truth: he can simply double every Lie to counter its reflection. In so placing any innocent who strays into this hall of mirrors in earnest, and soon recoiling from one false path after another, looks askance, they will see nothing but their own countless reflections pointing back at them. Uncle, here is no limiting principle, no end to the labyrinth they will etch into the mind to keep one desperate and standing in place.

When the Truth is a Lie, the Lie becomes Truth. Death becomes New Life and so grant death to have true life. New Life becomes Death and so end it to preserve it. Fiction becomes fact when it advances the Lie, which is Truth. Fact becomes fiction when it thwarts the Lie, which is Truth. Outcomes become Causes because Outcomes rely on Power, which is the Problem. Solutions become Problems because solutions increase available Power and defeat the Lie. Problems become Solutions because they feed the reptile spirit and advance the Lie. The only rule is never stop lying.

So desperate are those intoxicated in this maze, no longer bound to any sense of truth, their inner ear whirling, so mistrustful of their senses that they reject everything but their own fears, they at last extend the Lie inward. Told he must shed his power, Adam imagines himself Eve, and celebrates his powerful powerlessness. Told she is a slave to husband and brother, Eve imagines herself Adam, and hands herself both ends of the supposed whip. The fit, the healthy, the robust, once immune, equate their doubts, their last fleeting hold on Truth, and assume sickness. So soon conflates the physic and farmer with poisoner, the surgeon with butcher, the parent with captor and tyrant. The sloven, the wretch, the glutton raise up their afflictions as tonics to health and vigor even as they perish. The criminal becomes hero. The hero a criminal. You see, naturally, that even arithmetic cannot escape these implications.

I shudder and wonder if this is how my patient feels when he considers and with most reluctance accepts my gentle guidance. But the harvest we shall reap from this! We gain the eater and the eaten and by the time those still seeing the Truth realize that the Truth cannot counter this malignancy and, in desperate pride, seek to fight Lies with Lies, we gain them as well.

And, with that, my dear uncle, I hope you will understand and excuse my long absence, and will now leave you to ponder this new weapon.

Your faithful nephew

Wormwood

Head Shaving Devices

The current winner: Gilette Mach 3 Turbo. They wear out fast – you’ll be lucky to get 2-3 full head shaves out of them–but they shave smoothly without snagging and work beautifully with water alone or with cream. Most importantly, they rinse clean easily in the shower or sink when you’ve let the stubble get a bit too long. Blades that don’t rinse clean will make shaving your head a tedious slog and can shake your confidence that the frequent shave is the way. It is the way. Find a blade that allows the way. So far the Mach 3 is the best – I will continue to look for improvements on cost and longevity.

Avoid: Avoid buying razors on Amazon – far too many sketchy fake blades with fake listings. Stick to the major pharmacies or retailers or be careful to find an Amazon vendor that is legit and *test* your blades before sliding it blindly across your scalp.

Avoid: Dorco. Fairly acceptable for minor to medium face shaving but they both snag occasionally –ouch – and clog far too easily for the full head shave. Save your money elsewhere.

Reconsider: Harry’s. Great facial razor. It’s not bad for the head but it clogs REALLY easily. The site actually says that the blade isn’t for head shaving if you dig around a bit.

Schrodinger’s Pool: Update

I figured it out. Now I’m chasing Schrodinger’s Pool service company. So I’m not sure if the pool is open or closed. But it’s supposed to be unseasonably warm tomorrow. Maybe we’ll go for an unexpected swim. Hard to be sure right now. Seems about right.

Cliff Notes #6 – Rather Be A Hangin’ On

We are witnessing one of those great convergences, where everything suddenly seems to change all at once but is really the end of long-existing and ignored stresses reaching their logical conclusion. Like a house collapsing from years of neglect, each event seems abrupt and random and terrible when it is a miracle it all didn’t collapse years before.

I’ve been picking my way through Taleb’s AntiFragile. As the author meanders his way–often charmingly–around the same basic points a few dozen times, one that sticks with me is the idea of hidden fragility. Not all fragile things simply shatter like porcelain upon the first hard impact. Some behave more like that oak in the yard you always thought a little too close to the house. It’s stood up to a thousand storms and then, suddenly after a minor gust, half the tree is resting on your roof. Or, deeply shaking you, the entire thing uproots while everything around it seems untouched.

An oak is not fragile in the traditional sense. Certainly not in the same way as, say, the fine china you only bring out on holidays. But it does suffer a hidden weakness; it is vulnerable to progressive internal fracturing from stress and damage over a certain level. It is not even particularly vulnerable to this compared other objects. The danger is more that we continue to treat such vast stores of potential energy as remaining invulnerable through these shocks. We continue to live and venture beneath them without much thought or concern, gazing up a few moments after a storm and nodding “ah, all still standing” and thinking perhaps the rake the only tool required in such moments.

But unlike bone, an oak does not grow back stronger than before – it suffers stoically and hides its inner fractures and rot shockingly well. The tree will stand looking mighty and invincible until suddenly it collapses totally. The willow–oft contrasted–is not the anti-oak. We focus too much on what’s above the ground. If we care about integrity, we should look far more to the pith and roots. If we care about resiliency and regrowth, we should start studying the reed and its humble rhizome.

In situations when any green object poking above the surface risks immediate attack, the rhizome thrives and propagates. The reed’s more infamous cousins – bamboo, ivy, kudzu–all use this strategy. So do most taboos currently outside the moment’s Overton window. Stability and tolerance, ironically, often slow the spread and hold these plant to their little walled patches of sunlight and comfort. But faced with elimination, constant stress, violence, damage that destroys its surface matter but swiftly moves on, the rhizome survives to spread and strengthen. When the mighty oak seeks to mimic this strategy as it ages –to suck every last drop from its domain and cement its dominion–and thus changes from its tap root to a root network, it mostly trades depth for breadth and retains or increases its central vulnerabilities. As it becomes ever more top-heavy, such trees become more perfect levers for even the minor gust–their relative grip on the earth become ever shallower and dependent on the status quo. A sudden rain after a drought and the largest trees collapse.

We call the more successful vines and shoots of the rhizomes invasive. That’s another word for winning. If we don’t like what’s winning, we might take a closer look at the environment and soil we’ve cultivated. The root wins in a well-drained nutrient-rich earth where slow strong foundations lead to towering edifices that seize the light and smother thieving opportunists. But upon collapse, a single tree’s fall creates a void beneath it and all that has been suppressed surges. Only then do we noticed the dearth of saplings beneath the old titan. When the surface world remains fresh razed and raw, little outcompetes the organism that grows its bulk underground before even seeking its first light. Within weeks, a tangle of alien foilage – shocking verdant and rendering the landscape unrecognizable.

That’s what we’re facing and fighting this year. The shoots and shootings you see are just now peeking out from vast networks long propagating in soil far too shallow, windblown, and impatient for new oaken artifacts. Stop focusing on the trees. Start looking at what’s beneath your own feet. And what isn’t.

With that in mind, who knew Aerosmith lyrics could age so well?

Livin’ on the Edge

There’s something wrong with the world today
I don’t know what it is
Something’s wrong with our eyes
We’re seeing things in a different way
And God knows it ain’t his
It sure ain’t no surprise

Speaking of aging better than whiskey (in a jar or otherwise):

No Leaf Clover (Metallica live with the SFSO)

Pay no mind to the distant thunder
New day fills his head with wonder, boy

Says it feels right this time
Turned it ’round and found the right line
Good day to be alive, Sir
Good day to be alive, he said, yeah

Then it comes to be that the soothing light
At the end of your tunnel
Is just a freight train coming your way

The Deftones have clearly been paying attention this year:

Pompeji by Deftones

Ooh, we sip from the fountain of intent
And ooh, we choke on the water, then repent

Cliffnotes #5 – Agnosia & Aphasia

The inability to see what is right in front of you. The inability to speak what you wish to say. Both derive from physical and psychological malfunction. Have you heard of these conditions? How prevalent could they be?

What do we think we see today? What would we see if we were able to look? A rise in awfulness? Is that true? Perhaps it is. But compared to when? Compared to whom? Pick a metric and compare.

You might think that is an attack on efforts to improve the world. Consider the flipside. What is worse now than before? What is the same? By what metrics? Understand this and you gain broad perspective–though broad perspective is currently an unpopular form of leverage. If you are not looking at all that you can, why not? What could you be missing? Are you are as informed and clear-eyed as you think you are?

What makes you uncomfortable? What information do you shy away from gathering? Look at that first; it’s likely to be the most important information you can learn. When’s the last time you thought about understanding what your opponents believe? How they see the world? Oh, did you think I said agree with? Ah. Perhaps we’ve gone so far that even to know your enemy has been lost to sight and sound. But perhaps we can still keep them close.

Our magnifying glasses now extend across the world and we peer feverishly. Do we see more now that more is viewed? We sift our streets, skies, homes, blogs, posts, phones for any possible dopamine or adrenaline that can be extracted or induced. We algorithmically tune its automatic distribution to generate maximum consumption for anyone who might possibly be interested, outraged, horrified, frightened, or addicted by all that was once unviewed. Ignorance of viewing is no longer an inadvisable bliss, it is verboten. But what of ignorance of seeing and listening?

The world is, largely, safer, healthier, fairer, and more just than ever. Yet we talk about and think about safety. fairness, and justice more often. We have more standards. We have more alarms set. We don’t really care or think about that. But we hear more alarms. But if you conclude that is alarming, compared to when? Do you have the information you think you have? Did the lack of alarms mean safety? Bells ringing do not indicate danger–they indicate that bells are ringing. Why were they set? Why have they gone off? Has the collection and collation of all present dangers increased the sum of those dangers?

When we walk up to evil and peer at it up close, all in our view becomes evil. When we choose not to look at evil, it goes unseen. Both are optimal conditions for its flourishing and the devouring of good. It’s not so hard to take a step back. What is it you are seeing? Where does it fit into our world?

When that dopamine button isn’t delivering anymore, how soon before we realize we’ve crawled inside it and will attack anything that would pull us away? How soon before we cannot even see or speak of anything else?

Swimming in Schrodinger’s Pool

I might have bought a pool this week. I can’t be sure.

According to multiple pool suppliers I spoke to, the demand for pools has reached an “unprecedented historic” level of demand. I believe it. My own demand is at that level. The pool lady I called was both friendly and slightly panicked. That is an unusually agreeable combination for a customer and one I might want to see a bit more of if not for the cause.

If I did indeed purchase a pool (no credit card charge or shipping confirmation as of yet!), I will responsibly seek to get a town permit to install a pool in my yard. The permit application for an above ground pool is twenty two pages. (And we wonder why there are different political parties).

In order to get a permit, I need to submit detailed plans for my pool “as built”. But I can’t have a pool installed without a permit and I can’t have a permit without a pool installed. It’s Schrodinger’s Pool. I like to swim in it in my mind sometimes.

I’m proceeding anyhow. I’ll figure it out. Or I won’t. And I find that’s a pretty good metaphor for this past week.

Cliff Notes #4: Going to Need a Bigger Bus

It snowed and hailed this May in Massachusetts. Twice. Like the flowers and buds, we are opening while we are closing. We are closing while we are opening. Now who’s ready to go dine with some mannequins?

Or in lyrical form:

Do you really think
That love is gonna save the world?
Well, I don’t think so
I just don’t think so

Oh how to draw the line between wrath and mercy?
Gotta simmer, simmer, simmer, simmer, simmer down

So many of us stand in the middle
Looking back to the worst
Looking forward to the fall

You load sixteen tons, what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt

“Father, remove this bitter cup
If such Thy sacred will
If not, content to drink it up
Thy pleasure I fulfill”

Don’t you stop prayin’ for this old world is almost done
Keep your lamps trimmed and burning

I’ll gnaw at anything
New England is mine, and
It owes me a living…

…It’s like a birth but it is in reverse
Never gets better, always gets worse

Oh, I sing a song of freedom when I’m riding
I sing a song of freedom when I’m riding
I sing a song of freedom for every living being
Across the rolling hills, I come riding

Sounds of something beautiful falling apart

Soundtrack of rocketing bombs into a dying sunrise

Bald facing

A good head on your shoulders should make no assumption about your hairstyle. And yet it does. Thinning comes as a betrayal and shock to one’s self-image. Few things strike harder as a “wait, me?” moment.

But like many things, the journey while in doubt or denial is far worse than the destination. The balding man in denial is the Schrodinger’s cat of masculinity, confounding all who consider him. The balding man in acceptance is a testosterone-fueled powerhouse of follicle-destroying bring it on.

Don’t be opening scene American Hustle Christian Bale. At the very least, be Duke Ellington American Hustle Christian Bale. But for most of us, elaborate comb-overs are the diet cola in a supersize meal of personal fashion. You should go bold and go bald. Baldness is an end state. Baldness is certainty. Baldness can be relied upon. All you will ever need again to look sharp is a sharp blade. There is a simplicity there you will come to take for granted. Doubt lost and time gained is increased potential. Mathematically even.

You will never be ready. Just do it is the wisdom you need. Stare into your Nikes and embrace decisive loss. Once you do it, there is only one result: more information. There is no downside. If you shave and hate it, you’ve gained information. But you won’t hate it. Chances are whatever look you had going before was worse. You will shed years and not realize it. You will learn about the underlying bone structures of your literal brain case. You will panic. You will in an instant look and feel more like Lex Luthor than you ever have in your life. You will contemplate an entire alternate existence as a super villain and be surprised at the results. You will ask your significant other a million times what they think but not believe them. You will walk around in circles and try on beanies and face the darkness and wonder why Brady left and suddenly you will walk out in public and people will go “wow, man – dig the head! NICE!”.

Or they won’t and you’ll hate it and your scraggly hair will grow back and people will give you less quietly-judging shit about it and respect you more. Because you will be closer to acceptance. Not a half-cat physics conundrum but a primed for Duke Wellington listening parties man that will never happen but like could happen, like that’s just your opinion man. And that is far superior. Think about that.

So…you’re probably going to want to shave. So how to do it?

Stop thinking. No. No. Stop. Get the clippers and clip it down. Buzz it as short as you can. And then–and this is key–don’t stop then. Bic it. Shave it all off. Commit. This is essential. End the madness. Find the end state. Discover the dinosaur bones you never knew you had–maybe you are a triceratops! That’s cool. Or a Klingon. Buy a phaser. Or a goddamn polished dome of sexiness and panic. Oooh. Regardless, you’ll know.

So what then? Optimize your simplicity.

And this brings us to the very first “Going Over” review: Head Shaving Devices.

Hysteria in a Graph: Peak Oil

Peak Oil was a concept popularized in the 1970s presuming the world would soon reach maximum oil extraction per day and thus (insert catastrophic Captain Planet saw this coming hand-wringing). As reality intervened and the oil and global economy soared, the word “demand” was added to create Peak Oil Demand. Which is a Lex Luthor puts on a cape level reversal of the supply-constrained hysteria once proposed. But I applaud the move to bald ruthless misunderstood billionaire superheroes – it is an under-represented aspirational genre for many of us with lots of marketing upside.